Yesterday I was bored, okay not really, more like I didn't want to get up off the couch because I'm huge and uncomfortable and people weren't posting enough interesting stuff fast enough on Facebook, so I thought I'd check my blog stats. Sometimes it's interesting to see what posts have been clicked on the most, and the most recently. And sometimes it's funny to see what google searches people type in that bring up your blog. And sometimes you find someone who has referred to your blog and therefore led others to you. But this is the first time I've found someone's blog who has referred to me in such a negative way.
Here's the link I found on my stats page (I wondered why Sadie's birth story had been the most viewed post in the last week!)
Initially, I started reading because I'm curious what the other side's opinion is. But, when I got to story #3, my jaw dropped. I was SO.IN.SHOCK. that anyone would take our birth story and misconstrue it in such a slanderous way, especially since it is such a positive experience in my life.
Read below:
#3 Brain damage after homebirth:
"Sadie was born at home 2 days past her due date. Everything in my pregnancy and labor and delivery was normal…actually, so normal that my midwife told me I was clinically the perfect patient!! However, we found out later that I was Group B Strep (GBS) positive and didn’t know it. We have, after MUCH detective work, determined that the infection (which was found in my placenta and all the way through the umbilical cord) must have stressed Sadie out, causing her to pass meconium, which was aspirated and caused Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE).
Within minutes of being born, paramedics came to my home and rushed Sadie off to the hospital, where they discovered some brain damaged and then transported her to Phoenix Children’s Hospital (PCH). PCH practices newborn brain cooling therapy and immediately got her on a cooling blanket…"
The baby now has cerebral palsy.
What did the mother learn from this experience? Not a damned thing.
Here’s a comment she wrote on Baby Center:
"I love that you touched on that it’s NOT just about having a healthy baby in the end. It is about having a good birth experience and getting what you wanted. You’ve carried that baby for months in your belly, you should enjoy giving birth!! People say to me all the time that the biggest concern for this baby is it being born healthy (ie. not like Sadie), but I have had to give up my homebirth dream. I hate that I have to give birth in a hospital just so everyone else is comfortable. I’m choosing not to fight them (mostly my husband) this time… but next time I’m staying home!!! I’m glad you’re mad and unsatisfied and I hope that next time you get exactly what you want!"
My first reaction was silly, I said, "I didn't post that on Baby Center, I posted it on
Jesica's blog!" But that was only the beginning of the lies. Brian told me to immediately include a terms of service on my blog, and then to send Dr. Amy an email demanding that she remove my words from her website. This is what I wrote her.
Dr. Amy,
While I appreciate free press and the use of the internet to express opinions about both sides of an issue, I do NOT appreciate the use of our family's homebirth story (about Sadie) to promote an opinion that we do not agree with. You obviously missed the point of Sadie's birth story, and of our blog. Sadie's issue was not due to homebirth, and would have likely had the same outcome at a hospital. How dare you insinuate that my decision to have a homebirth cause my child to be disabled!
Please refer to the terms of service posted on my blog (beckfamilyblessings.blogspot.com) and remove my family's story immediately from your website. In the future, I hope that I never see you construe someone's misfortune into words meant to cause fear or guilt.
Thank you,
Christie Beck
Then I walked away. I needed to feed Sadie and visit the grocery store, so I let myself cool down some before coming back to it. However, later, I learned that there were comments. Most were not about me, but about trusting hospitals in general and not trusting your body. Then there were some about each individual tragic story posted on that website. One person even went so far as to say that the police should be investigating some of these parents!!
After reading through all the comments, I again had to walk away. It's hard not to have your feelings hurt in a situation like this. I'm not a politician and I'm not used to people spinning my words or criticizing my decisions. And after some more thought, I realized that I don't care what Dr. Amy believes about homebirth. She is very negative, but I know that there are those who are just as negative toward hospital births. However, I am offended that she would make me look like a bad parent in a situation that was out of anybody's control. I am hurt that she would insinuate that I was negligent about my prenatal care or birthing environment, when she doesn't know anything about it. And I am PISSED that other people would assume that I am a bad parent, or refer to my daughter as wasted potential because I chose to have a homebirth.
So, I came back once again, and I chose to reply to some of these comments. See below:
I can't even... How you you look your birth injured daughter in the eye and say you want another home birth? I really hated the hospital bed and food, but I sure love my little boy's functioning brain. I have nothing but good things to say about my completely unnatural hospital birth. I may not have had my big screen TV, but I DID have a team of baby doctors 4 feet away and ready to help my son if he'd aspirated any of the meconium he was born in.
You have no idea what my life is like and I am saddened that you judge me based on Dr. Amy's untruths. I look my child in the eye and I see an amazing, beautiful child who has overcome SO MUCH more in 2.5 years than anyone else I know. Please go read our blog, you'll see what I mean. I am a good mother, and nobody has the right to think otherwise based on one snippet on someone's blog who doesn't even know me.
I think this comment hurt me the most. When I look at my birth-injured daughter in the eye, I don't see a birth-injured child at all. I see a beautiful creation of God, created to be exactly who she was meant to be. I see MY CHILD, whom I grew for 10 months in my womb, whom I birthed, and whom I love more than anything. She is beautiful and she is strong and she is teaching me so much more about life than I could ever imagine. She is perfect just the way she is.
Since corresponding with Brian and I some more, Lisa has since apologized for her comments and wished us the best with our new baby.
Re: #3 So it sounds like the baby already had complications from the strep b that would not have been prevented by antibiotics during labor... Does that happen, or did mom misunderstand? Or am I misunderstanding?
It turned out that the bacteria was Group A strep, a very common infectious cause in OB. She had thought she had ruptured her membranes 2 weeks prior to delivery, but her midwife dismissed her concerns when she stopped leaking fluid. That may have been when the baby was infected, but that seems unlikely since she almost certainly would have had signs of chorioamnionitis due to a long term infecttion.
She was never tested for Group B strep (presumably she didn't want to know), but she was positive. Ironically, treatment for GBS may have prevented the Group A strep. The mother is trying to convince herself that this was inevitable. It most definitely was not.
I AM the mom of #3!! First of all how DARE you post my story without my permission. Second of all, I was tested for GBS and it was negative. Sadie was also tested for GBS and was negative. NEITHER OF US WAS ACTIVELY INFECTED! Third, membranes were ruptured the day after my due date, the day BEFORE Sadie was born and there was never any leaking fluid. My midwife broke my water during active labor. I have been told by a number of doctors that what happened to us could NOT have been prevented by being in a hospital, and I resent that you make it sound like it's my fault that my child is now permanently disabled. On another note, I don't love her any less just because she has CP. Oh, and please remove our story from your blog as it's slanderous and untrue!
Outright LIES!! I was flabbergasted reading this! You can see by my reply to Dr. Amy how wrong she is!! Where did she even get this information??!! I have never even HEARD of Group A strep or chorioamnionitis (I looked it up). It infuriates me that she assumes that I was never tested for GBS because I "didn't want to know"... AAARRRRRGH! There was no treatment for GBS BECAUSE THE TEST WAS NEGATIVE!!! Give me a break...
One of the quotes was taken illegally from my blog. Take this article down under my website's terms of service. You're also an asshole for not asking permission and generally wishing harm upon others.
Brian posted this comment, and someone replied with a link to the
Fair Use Wikipedia page. However, he believes that this doesn't fall under fair use because it was not presented in good faith, but with intentions to slander. He has bigger aspirations, and actually tried to contact the web host to shut things down, but has been unsuccessful so far.
BTW that "having a healthy baby isn't the only thing that matters" crap wasn't on BC, it was a comment on that blog where that chick was super pissed that her doctor made her be induced for pre-eclampsia (guess it's much more natural to have a seizure and a stillbirth than to use labor inducing medication).
I am so weary of reading these stories. So much wasted life. So much wasted potential.
She is my cousin. And she wasn't pissed that her doctor made her induce. Go back and read it again. Also, thank you for implying that my child, who is permanently disabled, is wasted potential/life. I sure hope you don't feel that way about all special needs children/people. What a horrible and inconsiderate thing to say. I hope that you are not teaching your children these same ideals.
Apparently, Dr. Amy is teaching her minions to also read things incorrectly. This comment makes me the most mad. Wasted life?! Wasted potential?! Oh man, if anyone ever said this to my face about my child, I just might slap them. I told Sadie tonight that she is DEFINITELY not wasted potential, but that she is beautiful and strong and I hope that nobody ever says that to her face. These are the kind of people who continue to perpetuate discrimination in our culture toward people with special needs.
This person later responded to me telling me that she didn't mean my child was a wasted life, but that she truly is a special gift. But, she clarified that by explaining that brain damage doesn't have to happen and that if I had had continuous fetal monitoring instead of just a doppler heart rate monitor after each contraction, we could have had Sadie without any brain damage.
"I love that you touched on that it’s NOT just about having a healthy
baby in the end. It is about having a good birth experience and getting
what you wanted."
WHAT THE F***. What. the. F***. I never swear, but what the actual f***!
Because apparently "what you wanted" isn't a baby, right? ...I'm not being very compassionate I guess, but what. the. f***.
I did get a baby. I got a beautiful baby. No, she's not perfect, but she's mine and I love her. Should I love her any less because she has brain damage? Of course, having a healthy baby is ideal, but life isn't always perfect. I'm sorry you don't agree with me...maybe you would feel differently if you ever met Sadie.
And I hope she never does meet Sadie. What a jerk.
So, here's the thing. I honestly don't care what people think about homebirthing. I understand that there are two sides to this issue, and both are just as opinionated and negative about the other side. Fine. And I don't even care that she quoted my story on her website. Although, I wish she would have talked to me first. What I do care about is that she made me look bad, on purpose, by twisting the truth, and in some cases, just telling blatant lies. The more I read about her and what she believes in, the more I realize that she and I disagree about many many things. However, I hope that, even if she disagrees with my birthing decisions, she sees that she should be doing it with some decency. I am a human, and so is my child, and to bash us without even knowing us, or even having a conversation with us, is disrespectful, sneaky, and downright mean.
So, to you, Dr. Amy, or any of your supporters, if you're reading this. I'd just like an apology. Then we can go on our merry ways disagreeing about homebirths.
Note: Dr. Amy later responded to my email, quoted fair use and that she had the right to use my story. I responded by asking her to at least apologize for the lies she said about me. She then responded by telling me that there is a link to my blog and people can judge for themselves. The thing is, they can't. And they won't. Her readers trust her to be accurate and true in the information she gives. When she tells them that I refused a GBS test and that I actually had some other infection because my water had been broken for 2 weeks, that is COMPLETELY false information. I replied asking her where she got that information because it is LIES. And if she lied about me, who else has she lied about? How can you trust the information coming from a person's website when you know she is not being completely honest?
I have some more writing to do about this topic, so expect to see more about my homebirth, my choice of prenatal care, and some of my own research about homebirths and hospital births and each resulting in birth trauma and special needs children.
