...out of the mouths of babes

When I was in Oregon last week (wait, 2 weeks ago now! whew how time flies when you're not sleeping!) I spent the 4th of July with my best friend, Anna, and her family. She has 3 boys, Jack-4, Scott-2, and Nathan-3 months. They all have their personality quirks that make them so cute. Jack, being the oldest is the perfectionist. He doesn't want to do anything wrong because he doesn't want to upset or disappoint anyone. And he's blonde. Scott doesn't care what anybody thinks, he's gonna do whatever he wants on his own schedule. And he's cuddly. Nathan makes the funniest faces, you can tell already he's gonna be the funny one :).

This story, though, is about Jack. He is curious about lots of things and is a good question-asker. And often, according to Anna, once he gets his answer he's satisfied and doesn't bring it up again...very mature, especially in this situation...

We were getting ready to walk into downtown Harrisburg for some 4th of July festivites and street food, so I was changing Sadie's diaper. I was just doing it right there on the floor in the living room when Jack walked by and did a double-take. Keep in mind Jack has brothers. He stopped and just stood there watching me. I didn't know what to do...should I address it? Should I ignore it? Should I tell him to mind his own business? Instead, I panicked:

Me: uhhh, Anna?
Anna: Jack, Sadie's a girl.
Jack: Where's her penis?
Anna: Girls don't have penises. Mommy doesn't have a penis either.
Jack: How does she pee?!
Anna: She has a hole she pees out of just like you, only she doesn't have a penis.
Jack: Can I see it?
Anna: No
Jeremy, Anna's husband: I know buddy, it still freaks me out a little too.

The no-cry sleep solution

I got a new book by Elizabeth Pantley called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Out of the three books I've read to help with sleep, this one seems to be the most practical and useful. Instead of telling parents that in order to change a habit, you have to break the child's spirit by letting them cry until they realize it does no good, Pantley instead gives parents a variety of tools to use when teaching their baby to sleep. I have devoured this book in about a day and a half! She even gives suggestions on how to teach a baby to learn to go to sleep WITHOUT SUCKING!!! I'm SOLD!

Pantley's main idea is that we need to understand sleep patterns, that babies (and adults) don't stay asleep, they go through sleep cycles where they have periods of waking. And if your baby falls asleep while nursing or close to you and snuggly and warm, then they wake up by themselves, in a bed, in a room without you, they are confused and become upset. They want you back, so they can be comforted back to sleep. Once you understand this, you can help your baby learn to self soothe. You can help your baby put themselves back to sleep when they reach these waking periods, just like you and I do when we roll over, pull those blankets up a little tighter, and go right back to sleep.

Sadie is learning these things. I've taken what I learned in the Dr. Sears Sleep Book and the book by Dr. Weissbluth, and actually started a lot of the things Pantley suggests...but she has MORE ideas. And she advocates trying your new routine for AT LEAST 10 days, then re-evaluate, renew if needed, and try again FOR ANOTHER 10 DAYS. And keep doing this until you get your child sleeping 10-12 hours at night, without your help to fall back asleep.

Our Sleep Plan starts tonight (provided we don't have a screamy teething episode).

*Sadie's bedtime is 8:00

*We will begin our bedtime routine at 6/630

*Our nightly bedtime routine:
6/630 - bath, jammies, read a story (or bounce in the bouncy seat)
7 - medicine and nurse
8/830 - asleep, move to her own bed

*We will follow a flexible, but predictable daytime routine:
730/8 - wake up for the day
830 - play therapy (Mondays with Claudia, daily with me)
930/10 - Nap #1
11 - OT or PT
1230/1 - Nap #2
play, run errands, swim, spend quiet play time in crib, etc
4/430 - Nap #3 (if needed)
5/530 - playtime with daddy while mommy makes dinner
530/6 - mommy and daddy eat dinner
6/630 - bath, jammies, read a story
7 - medicine and nurse
8/830 - asleep in her own bed

*Nap times will be: 930/10, 1230/1, and 4/430 if Sadie is showing signs of needed a third nap

*I will encourage naps by nursing, swaddling or wrapping tight in a blanket, lullabys, bouncy chair.

*I will help Sadie learn how to fall asleep without help by 1. spending daily quiet time letting Sadie "play" in her crib so she becomes comfortable and knows it's a safe place, and 2. encouraging her to fall asleep for naps in various places and ways. ie. nursing, bouncy chair, swing, wrap or ergo, car (?!!!), etc.

*I will introduce a lovey: pink cow blankie animal. We will snuggle with the lovey for naps and Sadie will have it when she goes to bed.

*I will make night sleeping different from daytime naps by keeping nighttime quiet, dark, and peaceful.

*I will develop key words as a sleep cue: "shh shh go to sleep sleepy girl"

*I will use the Baby Einstein lullaby CD also as a sleep cue.

*I will change Sadie's sleep association by attempting the "Great Pantley Pulloff" This involves teaching Sadie to fall asleep without sucking. Instead of always letting Sadie fall asleep nursing, let her suck for a few minutes, or until she's done actually eating, until her sucking slows and she's getting sleepy. Then break the seal and gently remove the nipple. At first I expect her to protest, and that this will be repeated SEVERAL times the first week or so, but eventually (I hope) she will learn to fall asleep without sucking.


*I will help Sadie fall back to sleep when she wakes while transitioning her to her own bed by attaching her crib as a sidecar to our bed. (We did this yesterday and I LOVE it!) see picture above.

*I will help Sadie fall back to sleep step by step when she wakes in the night:
1. If Sadie is truly awake, I will pull her to me gently to nurse. Once I feel her stop drinking and switch to comfort nursing, or go limp like she's fall back asleep, I will gently remove the nipple, keeping her close to me. Keeping this connection will help her fall back asleep without sucking. If she stirs, turn on the music and whisper my sleep cue words. When I feel like we've got step 1, move on to step 2.
2. When Sadie wakes up and is actually hungry, pull her to me to nurse. Once she's done nursing, and she's showing signs of falling back asleep, gently slide her back to her crib. Pat and touch her, whispering my sleep cue words and turning on the music until she's back asleep. If she's not hungry, just awake, skip the nursing and just pull her to me to cuddle until she shows signs of falling back asleep, then gently slide her back to her crib. If she gets upset or cries at any time, revert back to step 1 and try again next time. When we feel that step 2 is working, move on to step 3.
3. When Sadie starts to make wake up sounds, turn on the music, pat or touch her and whisper the sleep cue words until she falls back asleep. If she wakes or gets upset and cries, revert back to step 2, or even step 1 and try again next time. When we've gotten step 3, move on to step 4.
4. When Sadie starts to make wake up sounds, turn on the music, pat her gently once or twice, then whisper the sleep cue words without touching her. If she wakes or gets upset and cries, revert back. When we've gotten step 4, move on to step 5.
5. When Sadie starts to make wake up sounds, first determine if she needs the music, don't move closer to her, but turn towards her and whisper the sleep cue words from where I'm laying. If she wakes and cries, revert back, but keep it brief. When we've gotten step 5, move on to the next step.
6. Don't move or turn toward her crib when she makes wake up noises. Just say the sleep cue words from wherever I am, barely letting myself wake up.

*I will keep in mind that we may never make it through all the steps before Sadie is sleeping through the night on her own.

Now, we start implementing this plan, and pray hard that it works. I understand that with Sadie's hyper sensitivity she may take longer to "train," but I am confident that if we're (I'm) consistent and keep at it, eventually we will see the results we desire. Check back with me in 10 days and we'll review how it went!!

Ouch! Teeth! And a banana picture.

This week we have learned a lot about our daughter. Much of it learned at our fragile nerves expense. She cries longer, harder, louder than we imagined a 15 pound ball of fury ever could. Her record at this moment is 12 hours however we judge that she could have gone on infinitely longer. She only stopped at t w e l v e l o n g h o u r s due to our drugging her into a peaceful rest period. I believe she could cry for a good 24 hours ensuring that we, as mother and father, feel every bit of her pain.

We've been enjoying late nights as a family huddled around one or two stubborn teeth that refuse to move any faster then their current slow, deliberate painful pace. We think that these particular teeth must be deformed carrying terrible tiny sharp points all over causing extra awfulness. I'm not sure it is possible for one normal tooth to cause such agony. As I tongue my own teeth I wonder if my parents suffered as I suffer so.

My wife is an amazing woman. She's gotten less sleep than I have as she's a human feeding/pacifying/holding-the-baby-while-she-naps-for-fear-that-setting-baby-down-will-cause-premature-wakefulness machine. When we snap at one another at 3 in the morning, wondering how such a small human continues to wail at such deep dark hours of the morning, it always strikes me that there is no other woman I'd rather snap at. Even though I complain that she should have tried the left boob instead of the right and the left boob was the holy sleep grail and she should already be asleep due to my obvious suggestion. In reality nothing pacifies our little munchkin except fatigue or acts of God who we are thinking is not merciful - at least this past week.

My wife is bound boob to mouth to our child and I'm grateful that she's able to do so. Her boredom is mighty as she is tied to the couch with our child alternating between feeding struggles, bouncy chair manipulations, naps, cry fests and the slow transition between the various Sadie accepted stages. I love her very much and never tell her enough how much I'm delighted that she's my wife who bore my ever-tension filled babe.

I love you Christie.

--

Our picture this week is telling. It has been over 110 for the past week with nary a cloud in the sky. The banana has scorched a bit and the bucket watering hasn't been sufficient due to the heat. Many of the sun-loving leaves have scorched creating a sun damaged plant. I, in the 110 degree heat, decided that this was unacceptable and finally ran a slow drip system line from our water valve to the banana. I can now water slowly for long periods of time in order to help water absorption allowing the plant to recover better from the unrelenting heat. This required trench digging, measuring, adapting, burying and testing. A trial indeed to me to help save and nurture out damaged banana plant. Obviously this lends nicely to a metaphor with our daughter.

Grandpa came over and played with an amazingly delightful Sadie this afternoon to give us a bit of a break in order to accomplish basic chores around the house.

Thanks Gramps!

No Pain, No Gain

When I was a Sophomore in High School I had a paper route. I used to get up at 4:45 (which doesn't seem like a big deal to me now, but for a teenager, it was torture) to deliver papers. I'd immediately get ready for school when I'd get home because I had a "zero" period, which meant school started earlier for me (but that I had a longer lunch), then after school, I'd go straight to swim practice. Most days I left the house around 7am and didn't get home until almost 6pm. It was tough, but I found time to do my homework, eat, hang out with my friends, and even sleep (a little). And I enjoyed the extra money, but I won't say I was sad to let my paper route go. Looking back on that a couple of years later, I couldn't believe I survived. And I have a feeling I will think the same thing when I look back on this time in my life.

Recently I've had a number of people tell me they're impressed with how well I do with Sadie. And while it means a lot to be told I'm doing a great job at parenting my special-needs baby, I also kind of feel like I do it because I don't have a choice. What are my options? Love her and do everything in my power to meet her needs and make her happy, or...? I don't see an alternative.

Right now Sadie is teething, in addition to a scheduled sleep regression at 23-26 weeks (we're in week 25, so I'm crossing my fingers she'll be over this nonsense soon!), and daily I feel like I'm driven to the point of insanity due to exhaustion. Sometimes it's crying for 5 hours, sometimes it's just waking up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night. Sometimes it's not napping, sometimes it's not going to sleep until after midnight and waking up at 5am. Whatever it is, it's hard, and I'm reminded of that time in my life when I had a paper route and swim team...except this is 10 times harder because my heart is involved! I don't always feel like I'm doing a great job when I'm whining to Sadie, pleading with her, to "PLLLLEEEEAAAASE just go to sleep!" And I don't feel like Wife of the Year when I snap at Brian because he's sincerely trying to help, but he just doesn't know how it feels to have a baby (sometimes LITERALLY) attached to you ALL. DAY. LONG. It's very unbecoming when Sadie starts whine-crying and I'm doing in right along with her. Tonight, as I sit here at 12:45am writing this, I even told Sadie that this non-sleeping thing is going to drive me to insanity...I feel like I'm already so close.

But to others, you see differently. You may know what it's like to have a happy baby, or even just a normal baby, and you see that it's different for me. To me, this is all I've ever known, so it IS normal. Sadie cries, Sadie doesn't sleep, Sadie has to be held a certain way and needs a certain amount of motion in order to be satisfied, and Sadie (STILL) hates the car. So, thank you for the compliments, thank you for the support, and most of all thank you for the help. (Anna, there were a couple times last week that you saved me from having a break down! And Shelly, I know you're far away, but right now I'm REALLY tempted to call you because the night is so lonely...but I wouldn't be able to hear you anyway probably over Sadie's crying.) I think the only respite I truly have is knowing that this won't last forever. Before I even know it, Sadie will be a beautiful healthy 10 year old, on the verge of puberty, sleeping through the night in her own room, wanting to wear makeup and starting to wear deodorant, and I will wonder where my baby went, and I will look back on these hard times and wonder how I got through.

Let me leave you with this quote (ironically from my cousin's facebook status! ha!) You never know how strong you are until that's the only choice you have. This is the only choice I have.

Sadie's fashion show

Brian used to work with some people who have a baby 13 months older than Sadie. So, when they found out we were having a baby, they started bagging up all their daughter's old clothes and giving them to us. I think the majority of what we received has been around 6-9 months size, but it's cool because since their daughter was born the same time of year, the season appropriate and size appropriate match...which is important here where it IS 110 today! Anyway, Sadie is starting to outgrow her 3-6 month clothes (mostly in length, she's a skinny girl!), so I thought I should go through what's coming up next. TONS of cute clothes!! Now, instead of just putting a onesie on her everyday, I try to put something cute on her, even if we're not going anywhere (which is most days). So, then I thought each morning I should take a picture of her in her cute little dress/outfit. Now, you get to reap all the benefits. Enjoy!

This is actually size 9 mos...I think it's a little small :)















This outfit lasted about 10 minutes, because she immediately peed through her diaper as soon as we put her on her tummy



This dress is super cute, but didn't look that good on her, not colorful enough I guess. Might be cute on a darker-complexion baby. Plus it had this zipper on the back that kept riding up the back of her head. Annoying.















This is one of many little dress-onesies that were in the stuff. I think she looks good in purple, don't you?

Mostly I just love this picture. She so cute in this one!




















Here's Sadie talking to Daddy about how she didn't sleep last night. This onesie is 6 months and so pretty. I'm glad it fits her!!


This is what teething looks like...such a sad face.

This dress didn't have any matching pantaloons, so I grabbed some pink ones from another dress and they worked just fine!




















I love love love this little outfit. This I actually bought (one of the very few things I have actually paid for in Sadie's wardrobe) at the second-hand children's store in Eugene. I think it's so cute and I'm excited that Sadie finally fits into it!


I wish I could tell you this is a happy face...it's not. But she did like these once we went outside!

I am so proud that my little girl is now a BIG girl. I weighed her last night on our scale...15.6 lbs!! She is amazing, and I believe will continue to amaze us for the rest of her life!!

thou shalt not covet?

I'm back from vacation! Sorry to make myself scarce, but when there are actually other people around I don't sit at the computer all day!! Imagine that! I know we missed Sadie's Sunday picture, look for that later this week. Anyway, this is what's been on my heart this past weekend.



Most of us know all 10 commandments (or at least most of them) that are written in Exodus 20. And most of us are pretty good with them, because they follow our rules of society: don't steal, don't murder, obey your parents, etc. But what about the 10th commandment, thou shalt not covet? Do we generally find that one easy to follow also? Do the rules of society support this commandment like they do the others?

When translated from Hebrew to English, covet literally means, in the negative sense, to lust after. It means to have an unhealthy desire for something, particularly if it belongs to someone else. Coveting turns people into objects and objects into idols. Coveting involves envy - resenting the fact that others have what you don't.

Man is covetous by nature. You know it's true, we always want what we can't have! Why else would we have to have commandments that say don't steal and don't murder. Those actions are often the end result of coveting something or someone. Even the dictionary defines coveting as exceeding reasonable limits of craving what another person has. Coveting is at the heart of many other things the Bible teaches us is wrong: jealousy, pay your taxes, don't be greedy, have patience, etc.

Coveting has always kind of been hard for me to understand. I've experienced wanting something someone else has, or even wanting to be like someone else, but it's never gone so far as causing me to commit a crime (remember David putting Uriah on the front lines of battle because of his covetousness for the man's wife, Bathsheba? That was some serious coveting!). Lately, however, I find myself looking around and coveting the other babies I see. It's not like I want those other babies. But when I see someone with a beautiful healthy babe, it's more like I covet that experience. I covet no dr. appointments, no car screaming, being able to sleep without 3+ hours of crying, and no seizure medication! I covet normal development, and knowing your child will be able to do everything they're supposed to at the right time. I covet normal head growth. And as I really examined my heart before taking communion this last weekend, I realized that this coveting I do could become a cancer to my soul if I'm not careful to keep it in check.

I don't believe this coveting will drive me to commit a crime, but if I don't watch it, it could really hurt my family. This coveting in my heart may lead to discontentment, which may lead to seeking contentment elsewhere, which could mean a lot of heartache and hurt before it's taken care of. I'd like to avoid that! So, before it's out of control, I will choose to keep my covetousness in check by reminding myself daily that I have a beautiful baby, who 23 weeks ago I was told would die. I need to find the GOOD things in this situation (and it's not like we're lacking in good things!) and focus on those. I need to quit making excuses or pretending things aren't there that really are. And I need to love my baby for who she is, not who she MIGHT have been if this or if that. Nobody is given a guarantee with their children, it's just the luck-of-the-draw.

Attilie's first birthday

The reason we came to Oregon was to celebrate Attilie's first birthday. Attilie is my niece, my brother's baby, and she is so sweet and so pretty and SUCH a big girl! It's crazy that she's already 1. I wanted to share with you her birth story, but my sister in law says she doesn't have it typed up anywhere, so, for now, I'll just share some pictures of the party!