Mommy and Me #4...the perfect morning

I love waking up and just laying in bed.  When I was pregnant with Sadie, I fantasized about having lazy Saturday mornings cuddling in bed with my baby girl and Brian.  As it turns out, Brian is not a fan of laying in bed when there's so much getting up to do...and Sadie turned out not to be a good sleeper, so lazy mornings were usually spent with me on the couch after being up multiple times and several hours during the night.

Dreams shattered.

Until recently... On March 24th (yes, I marked it on my calendar because it was THAT big of a deal!) Sadie started sleeping all night.  And I don't mean like we laid down with her for an hour until she finally went to sleep, then she woke up at 6:00am kind of all night.  I mean, we'd lay her in bed, kiss her and tell her we love her, then close the door and not see her again until almost 12 hours later!!  It's like she wanted to do her part in making Mommy comfortable in her pregnancy, so she decided to be a big girl.

Likely, it's more related to teething.

Sadie has one of her 2-year molars.  And just this week 2 more have decided to show their faces (heads?).  The sleeping has been a little rough.  Mostly, she wakes up and lays there for hours until she decides that it's time someone should pay attention to her, or help her go back to sleep.  This last Saturday, that happened at 6:00am.

Thursday night had been a rough night.  Sadie's mouth hurt so badly that she didn't finally fall asleep until after 1:00 in the morning.  Then she woke up screaming (although she never was awake I don't think) sometime later.  And unfortunately, I had to wake her at 8:30 because we had an appointment at 10:00 to get her hand splints.  I felt really bad about that too, because she'd had a little cold this week and I knew she could have used the sleep for more than just her bad night.

Needless to say, I was really looking forward to getting a good night's sleep Friday night and sleeping in Saturday...because I figured Sadie'd be so tired she'd sleep all night like normal.

So, when I heard her at 6:00, I was NOT having it.  I was GOING to sleep in!!  I unhooked her tube and brought her in bed with us.  The last time I did this, she fell back asleep, so I was hoping that would be the case again on this morning.

It wasn't long before I saw a yawn.

Then there was a nonchalant stretch that just happened to help her curl up toward her Daddy.  His magic smell starting releasing its go-back-to-sleep powers, and soon her eyes were closed.  She was working herself on snuggling as close to Daddy as possible...which was great for me because that meant I had more bed!!

Anyway, she slept hard for another 3 hours.  And we had the perfect morning, with our baby girl, cuddling in bed together.

It was like a dream come true.

Hosted by Krystyn at Really, Are You Serious?

Sadie's strengths

Whenever I have to fill out information for Sadie and it asks what her strengths are, I always say communication.  Even though she can't talk.

Here's why.

We've been in a REALLY good bedtime routine.  About 8:00, Sadie eats and gets some milk in her tummy, then we give her a little bit of Ativan (just enough to settle her brain and her spasticity) around 8:20 or 8:30.  Then by 9:00 she's in bed.  And I don't mean like I'm in bed with her patting her to sleep.  I mean, I take her in there, lay her down on her side, plug her in, put the covers over her and kiss her goodnight.

And then we don't hear from her or see her again until morning.

This has been going on for over 2 weeks now and it's amazing.  It's been so nice to have multiple good nights of sleep, and Sadie wakes up happy too!

But last night, we changed it up just a tiny bit.  We went to the mall to pick out some new glasses for me, and we didn't get home until after 8:30.  So, we decided to give her the last of the blended food we had in the fridge just through her tube to save time.  Sometimes when we tube feed Sadie she gets more air in her tummy and has more of a tendency to puke a little up...especially if we lay her down not too long after giving it to her, so normally we don't do this before bed.  But, it was a different kind of night.

So, we did this, gave her her medicine, got her in bed by 9:15ish, and everything seemed fine.  But around 9:30 she started screaming.  Little screams at first, then it got louder and louder until I couldn't ignore it.  She was obviously trying to get someone's attention.  So, I went in there to see what she needed.

Turns out she had made herself tense and pushed stomach contents out through her tube (this isn't uncommon when her stomach tenses up), then that counteracted with the feeding pump pushing water INTO her tube.  And it resulted in popping the top off of the medicine port.  (If you're not familiar, there are two places on her extension to put in whatever we're giving her, there is the main port, then a smaller one on the side for medicine.  Both just have a rubber stopper.)  She wasn't, therefore, getting any water, and her stomach contents were also now leaking onto her bed along with the water that was being pumped in.

Once I noticed that this had happened, I fixed the problem, tucked her back in, patted her half a dozen times, kissed her, and said goodnight again.

And I didn't hear from her again until morning.

Now I don't know about you, but this to me is excellent communication.  Even though she wasn't able to say, "Mommy, my tube is broken, come fix it!"  Essentially that is what she was saying.  She got my attention, got me in there, got the problem solved, and was then able to sleep.

It just shows that she is aware of what's going on and what needs to happen.

Such a big girl.

Goodnight, Sadie

For a long long long long long long long time Sadie did NOT sleep through the night.  I remember days feeling like I shouldn't be driving because I ended up at my destination, but I had no idea how I got there! We spent a lot of nights bouncing or rocking...I watched a lot of movies on Netflix!  There were a lot of nights that I went into Sadie's room and patted and sang to get her back to sleep, then fell asleep in her bed myself.  And I can't even count the nights that we'd get all set and put Sadie to bed, then it'd take another 3 hours before she was actually asleep!

There were even 2 nights that I remember Sadie didn't fall asleep until 7:00 in the morning.

But for the last week (8 nights, actually), we've been able to take Sadie to bed, lay her down, kiss her goodnight, then close the door and not see her again until the morning.  It's like the Heaven's opened up and are shining down on our house.

Actually, last night her mouth hurt pretty badly (those molars are going to take a long time before we see them all!), and she was having a hard time settling down.  I went in there and patted, sang her 2 songs, she was calm, so I left.

More screaming.

We've found that when we lay her down she'll scream for a few minutes (usually less than 10), then she's quiet and we don't hear her again all night, so we thought we'd wait.  We got ready for bed and she was still screaming.

I went in there and patted some more.  She was so tired, her eyes were closed, but she was thrashing her head back and forth out of pain.  We gave her some Advil, I patted for a few more minutes and rubbed her head a little, and then we left her.

She stopped, fell asleep and we didn't see her again until this morning!   And that's the hardest night we've had in a week!!

I was sure we'd be woken up last night, but she is such a big girl she made it through the night.

I remember when we were reaching the end of car screaming and it felt like it was too good to be true, and I was afraid that any day we'd go back to screaming and my living hell would return.  This kind of feels like that.  She's had stretches before of sleeping through the night...but never for 8 nights in a row.

Could this be it?  This would be great timing.  I have really been enjoying getting a good night's sleep, having some evening time to wind down and hang out with Brian, and Sadie is SO HAPPY during the day when she sleeps all night...I'm enjoying that too.

My girl is really growing up, and I love this kid she's turning into!!

Better Days

This was my Facebook status just now: "we just completed our 10th car ride in a row with NO SCREAMING! WHAT?! we're also on our 4th day without a meltdown!! Who is this big girl? ...and can we keep her?"

Last Wednesday seems to have been our last bout of car screaming. I don't know what has changed...the baclofen (more on this in a minute)? Her vision? Growing up? Does it really matter?! The fact is that I'm really enjoying quiet car rides.

A week ago we started weaning Sadie off the baclofen. Baclofen is a muscle relaxer that is often given to people with CP. She started it when she was 6 months old because the concern was that she was so tight in her legs all the time that it was stunting her hip development. And it really helped for a while, but she seems to have grown out of her high tone (tightness), and I'm not sure there is much concern anymore about her hip. Sadie's PT noticed recently (after our last go-round of movement therapy) that Sadie didn't have a lot of control over her body and suggested we ask Dr. Wendy about weaning her off the baclofen. The idea is that without the medicine causing her to be relaxed, she might gain control of her body and be abe to use it more effectively. This is exactly what we are seeing happen.

The last 3 nights Sadie has woken up around 5:00 or 6:00, I know this because I can hear her in the monitor. Not crying, just laying there clicking her tongue or "talking." She has even been able to put herself back to sleep in these situations. I am having a hard time sleeping during this time because I am waiting for the crying to start any minute. But it doesn't. I end up going to get her when it's time to wake up and she's usually just laying there all happy and smiley!

Sadie has not had a meltdown for the last 4 days. She has been happy with no crying for 4 days straight!! She has eaten everything I've put in her mouth without crying. She has laid on the floor and played by herself...even on her tummy. She has sat in Brian's office while he works and I sew and not said a peep. Who is this girl?!

But for the Grand Finale...Sadie took a nap in her bed for over an hour today!! I knew she was tired after therapy today, so I decided to experiment and put her in her bed with the pacifier. Suck suck sleep. I was literally there for less than 3 minutes. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to start anything because I was SURE she was going to wake up any minute...but she didn't. She slept for 70 minutes! What in the world?!

My only thought on all of this is...FINALLY!! I finally have the baby I was supposed to have, one that I don't have to hold all day and argue with to eat her meals. It gives me hope that we have turned a corner and I can't wait for Grammy to come next week and love on this new baby!

Sleeping...again

Sadie turned 1 on a Wednesday, and the following Sunday we moved her crib back to her own room. It was a big step for us, but I felt like it was now or never. My body was tired of not being able to move all night, I would wake up stiff and grumpy. We were constantly on alert of making too much noise or too much movement. It was time to be done.

We'd been working on getting her to fall asleep in bed, and she'd been doing a pretty good job of it, so I bit the bullet and just did it.

The crib has been up against our bed for the past 8 months with one side removed. So, I just repeated the set up with the twin bed that is already in Sadie's room. I mentally prepared myself to sleep in there for months, Brian was excited because that meant he could actually have the whole bed to himself. But by Wednesday that week, Sadie was doing so well on her own that I actually went to bed with Brian.

I layed in bed that night unable to go to sleep. It was a weird feeling to have Sadie in another room...on the other side of the house. Of course I had the baby monitor next to my head, and I listened as hard as I could for at any sign of awakeness I was ready to rush in there and rescue my baby. I kept thinking that the last time we slept in a room without Sadie was the night we decided to pull her plug and say goodbye. We held each other and cried for a long time that night. That was the last night we spent at home without her. That night was over a year ago.

Sadie slept all night that night. 12 hours. When I woke up that morning I went to check and make sure she was still alive. I was worried. But I slept better than I had in a year.

Since then she's been doing pretty well. She goes to sleep in her bed, with lots of help, but in her bed (baby steps). And she stays asleep until 4 or 5 in the morning. I've learned that she's probably just cold, it's been in the 20s at night here, possibly the teens even. So, I go in there at the wee hours of the morning, and I pull her into the twin bed with me, cover her with blankets, hold the paci in her mouth until she's back asleep, and then I go back to bed for the last 30 or so minutes of my night.

The nicest thing has been having mornings to myself. I love the morning, and I love it even more when it's uninterrupted. Nobody talking to me, no baby needing me. Just me getting a lot of work done.

This has been a huge milestone not only in Sadie's life, but in ours as parents. I'm really proud of our entire household in how far we've come with this sleep thing. Still, I realize there will always be one more thing...if only she'd - what? Nap in her bed? Eat food without complaining? Sit unassisted? Go to sleep without help? We've come a long ways, but I realize that no matter how far we've come, there will always be a long ways to go.

Blessings in Bunches

First of all, I'd like to announce that Sadie slept in her own bed in her own room last night for the first time ever all by herself!! 12 hours she spent in there without a peep...we were worried she was dead. Nope, just being a big girl!

It was a little weird at first and I had a hard time falling asleep knowing that she was on the complete other side of the house. But I have a cold and eventually I stopped listening as hard as I could to the baby monitor and just fell asleep.

I was thinking about it and I think the last time Brian and I slept without her in the room was the night we decided to unplug her and let her go. That was over a year ago!! It feels good to wake up after a night of not being concerned about tossing and turning and having a baby glued to the side of me. I'm a whole new me!

Second, Sadie had her first feeding therapy yesterday afternoon. Her goal is to just make Sadie more aware of her lips by stimulating them and causing her to realize they exist. This will hopefully lead to more babbling, sucking food off the spoon better, and eventually biting and chewing bigger pieces of food. So, she gave us this little rubber nubby thing that we're supposed to stick in Sadie's mouth and rub around her gums before she eats, as well as rub along her lips. Then she had this tiny little vibrator that she put on the outside of Sadie's mouth to stimulate awareness. As soon as our therapist left, I fed Sadie and I was amazed at how well she ate! Maybe she was starving. Or maybe all that stimulation made her want to eat. I don't know, but I did it again this morning and I had the same results.

She is also doing really well with little toddler food meltaway bites. The ones we have now are freeze-dried strawberry yogurt bites and Sadie just ate like 10 or 12 of them in one sitting, which is a lot for her! We need to get some more calories in her, so hopefully this new skill will open up the possibilities for us to do that.

Finally, we went to see the pediatrician today for Sadie's 12 month well baby checkup (I'll blog about that separately) and we had a nice quiet car trip both ways!! Plus she was a happy baby while we were there!! I'm really enjoying this big girl!