Anna's 30th birthday

Dear Anna,

Today you are 30, and we've now been friends for 10 years.  It's hard to believe it's been that long.  We've gone from silly girls wondering about our futures to heartbroken and joyful moms.  I have watched you literally grow up in the 10 years I've known you.

When I met you our biggest drama was a roommate who wanted "justice." 10 years later we've been through miscarriages, and birth trauma, healthy babies, and true love.  I am so proud to call you my friend.  You are strong and you shine and you are so very talented.

I remember your wedding.  It was so hot.  You were so beautiful.  I was so impressed with Jeremy.  Then, you were in my wedding.  And it was so hot.  And you were pregnant.

We have cried a lot of tears together.  We have definitely had a lot of laughs together.  We've had babies.  We've gained weight.  We've lost weight.  We've gone on road trips and plane trips and roller coasters.  We've even been through customs disasters after natural disasters and international collect calls from payphones in airports!!  And even though we've changed a lot... we're still so much the same.

Now your life is filled with a bunch of little men.  And they are so cute.  They are so full of energy and personality.  And they love you so much.  You and Jeremy are teaching them to be honorable and to live life with integrity.  I can't wait to see how they grow up.

I don't get to talk to you very often, I see you even less often.  But I still love you so so much.  I wish we lived closer to one another.  I remember when your bedroom was just on the other side of the wall from me.  Now you are 2 states away.

I love you and am proud of how strong you are.  I love your family.  You have a wonderful husband and 3 amazing children.

I can't wait to know you for another 10 years.  Happy 30th birthday.  I hope that it's wonderful and spectacular and everything you dreamed it'd be.

Love,
Christie

PS. Someday when our children are grown up and moved out (well, except for Sadie, maybe) and our husbands are just grumpy old men, let's still be silly.

Like this!!

Sadie's third birthday

Dear Sadie,

Today you turn 3. Today is a big deal, because, not only is it the anniversary of your birth, but it is the anniversary of the day I became a mom. You are my first born child and you will always have a special place in my heart that is different than your siblings. I loved you before I knew you. I wanted to keep you when they told me I was going to lose you. And I am a stronger person for who you have demanded that I become.

You will always need me, more than most children need their mommies. And I will forever take care of you, speak for you, feed you and dress you, and fight for you. Before I had you I didn't know how to fight for something the way I do now. Because of you I have big, bulging mommy muscles. Because of you I have amazing friends. Because of you I have an appreciation for life and beauty like never before. Because of you I realize which things are silly to stress over or be sad about. Because of you, I am mom.

Sadie, today you're 3! You are growing up and learning more and more each day. You have ideas and opinions in that head of yours, and anybody who knows you knows how sassy and demanding you can be. You have turned into such a happy little girl. Even your teachers at school tell me all the time how happy you are. There was a time when I thought you'd never stop screaming, but now you never stop smiling.

You go to school now and your teachers are so proud of you and so impressed with everything you're learning. You play with the other kids in your class and even share toys with them. You are learning to communicate what you want, and you are learning to sit and use your hands to touch something or play with something. You are an amazing little person who is learning to overcome so much just to do basic things.

You are beautiful, and I am proud to be your mother. You are so loved, and that will never change.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

A Very Merry Un-Birthday!

Today is Sadie's half-birthday.  She is officially 2 and a half years old today.  So, I wanted to celebrate this day/commemorate this day by documenting all the things she CAN do that we were told she never would when she was born...

When Sadie was born, she didn't do anything.  Her eyes were closed, she was kept alive by machines, she had constant seizures that they couldn't control, and there was no gag reflex or swallowing present at all.  The only reaction we could get out of her in the NICU was to tickle the bottoms of her feet, and she would twitch, and we'd get so excited about it!  Now, she can breathe and swallow and open her eyes.  She is awake and alert and even interactive!  She smiles and vocalizes her wants and needs (like "get me off my tummy!" or "I'm done sitting on my knees like this!")

Sadie nursed for 14 months before she started aspirating and lost interest.  Sure, she has a G-tube, but she can eat pureed food.  And lately, we haven't been thickening her food as much and she's doing really well with it!  In a couple of weeks we're going to start with small amounts of liquid through the syringe in her mouth...thickened of course!  And we're also going to start working on soft pastas and rice to get her to start learning to chew.

Sadie sleeps in a big girl bed all night.  If she wakes up, it's because something hurts or she's hungry.  She rarely has a bad night anymore and usually sleeps for 10-13 hours!  When she was littler, we were up for 2 hours in the middle of the night, almost every night.  I watched a lot of movies back then.  We had frequent nights where one of us would have to sleep in Sadie's bed with her, or be in her room rocking her until she fell asleep.  Those were hard times.

We are currently working on big goals like sitting, which I think she will eventually do.  Grabbing toys with her hands and putting things in her mouth is another goal and she's so close to doing this...the hand splints are helping with this a lot.  And communicating yes and no so that we can start potty training!

Sadie knows the people who are regularly in her life.  Obviously she knows her mom and dad.  She will often be distracted when I walk across the room, because she can see me.  When Daddy has been gone out of town, she knows when he comes home and gets excited as soon as she can hear his voice, and if he doesn't come say hi to her and give her a kiss like, immediately, she will protest!  She knows her therapists that come work with her each week, as well as Chelsea, who does respite care for us.  And of course, she knows Grandpa.  I think Sadie has a special bond with Grandpa.

Going out with Sadie used to be something we would avoid at all costs if we could.  She would scream in the car the entire way, then we'd have a really hard time calming her down when we got there.  Sometimes we would bring the bouncy chair to restaurants with us, to weddings with us, to other people's houses definitely.  We even resorted to drugs when we had to drive to California...or sometimes just in public places.  Now, Sadie enjoys the car and doesn't scream at all.  We can take her to restaurants and she can sit and be happy the entire time we're eating.  We can take her shopping and not have to worry about meltdowns.  And I love that I can take her to other people's houses to visit or play or swim and actually enjoy myself instead of being stressed out the whole time.

Sadie is now 2 and a half years old.  Officially.  She is a big girl.  She is a happy girl.  And I'm so glad that she's my girl!

January 24th

When I was a little kid, my best friend lived down the street from me in a cul-de-sac. Her birthday was January 24th. We lost touch somewhere in Middle School I think, but I don't forget those easy-going days of riding our bikes and climbing trees through our neighborhood together.

When I was in high school, I had a friend whose birthday was January 24th also. He meant a lot to me, even after he started making poor decisions. And even now, though I denied his friend request on Facebook, I still think about him every year on January 24th. There is a part of me that will always hold him dear to my heart.

And now January 24th has a new meaning for me. January 24th was the day we made the decision to unplug Sadie's breathing tube and ask the nurses not to resuscitate. We were prepared to say goodbye. January 24th will always remind me of the hardest decision I ever had to make.

For some reason this day has just always been meaningful in my life.

Now, on this second anniversary of that horrible day when we cried and cried and thought we'd lose our baby, I have just one request of you.

When you kiss your children tonight, make it meaningful, take a moment to really reflect on how lucky you are to have them. Whether they're special needs or typical, whether they're healthy or not, whether or not you're busy doing other things, tell them you love them. And really mean it.

My very special birthday present

Yesterday was my birthday. It didn't feel like a birthday, there wasn't any singing or balloons or even people jumping out from behind furniture yelling "SURPRISE!!" Nope, just a normal everyday day...with cupcakes, of course.

But today, the day AFTER my birthday, Sadie and Brian gave me the most wonderful gift! Sitting. I couldn't take Sadie to PT today because I had to proctor state testing (and yes, I did that yesterday too...on my birthday). So, Brian came home with this video and we can't stop watching it. It's so amazing.

Attilie's first birthday

The reason we came to Oregon was to celebrate Attilie's first birthday. Attilie is my niece, my brother's baby, and she is so sweet and so pretty and SUCH a big girl! It's crazy that she's already 1. I wanted to share with you her birth story, but my sister in law says she doesn't have it typed up anywhere, so, for now, I'll just share some pictures of the party!