30 Days of Thanksgiving

As you can imagine, life has been pretty busy lately around the Beck household. We bought a house (which requires inspections and paperwork and notarizing and lots of emails back and forth with the realtor), which leads to lots of packing into boxes every one of our earthly possessions as we prepare to move it all. And we hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house, which was a lot of work...but way easier than taking Sadie to someone else's house. Then there is just the daily stuff that we get caught up in - working, eating, taking care of our child - all of this, as you can imagine, leaves little time for blog posts. And before you know it, it's been 2 weeks and I've said NOTHING!

I started this 30 days of Thanksgiving challenge with good intentions, but probably unrealistic expectations. The goal was to post on Facebook everyday someone that I'm thankful for. I wanted to take it a step further and also write a blog post each day. I literally blinked, and the month was over. However, I DID keep up with my thanksgiving on Facebook...so here's the rest of my list!

14. I am thankful for my health. I posted this article about the way turkeys are raised for your Thanksgiving table. Our family recently became vegetarian, and considering the way our country mass produces meat, I believe we made the right decision. I am not trying to convince anyone to not eat meat...just be aware of what you're putting in your body!

15. I am thankful for my education. There was recently a story that hit the news about a teacher caught on tape (a kid was actually wired) bullying a special needs student. It was horrible. Unfortunately, in my profession, it's rarely that the GOOD teachers make the news. But I consider myself a good teacher, and I know a lot of other good teachers. So, I am thankful that even though I don't make the news for being good at what I do, that I have the education to do it.

16. I am thankful for my parents. My uncle died this month after a long battle with cancer. He fought hard. But it made me realize that my parents aren't young. I have a special relationship with both of my parents, in very different ways. I love them both so much and I can't imagine losing them. My heart hurts for my cousins, especially as they face the holiday season without their dad.

17. I am thankful for my baking/cooking skills. I made an awesome vegetarian Thanksgiving menu! It was a lot of work, but EVERYBODY loved it!

18. I am thankful that we have the Chillout Chair. Sometimes Sadie just needs to rock and rock and rock...and rock. I am glad we have something that can accommodate her (and keep her quiet!). Seriously, I don't know what we'd do if we didn't have this thing. I would go crazy from all the screaming and crying.

19. I am thankful for the Internet. Seriously, what an amazing invention, huh? I am able to keep in touch with people I wouldn't otherwise be in touch with through Facebook! I can watch TV shows and sports! And I can teach in a virtual classroom!! The internet is sooooo cool. And it just seems to be getting better all the time (as hard as that is to believe).

20. I am thankful for my brother. We are not only far apart in age, but we have very different personalities. Everybody likes Marcus, he's easy-going and funny (whereas I can tend to be bossy and uptight), growing up that drove me crazy. Now we're both adults and we both have little kiddos, and we're finally in a place in both our lives where we're equal. And we're still really different, but we get along much better. He is a rapper. He lives in Oregon and tours throughout the western US often. Every once in a while he comes through Phoenix and we get to visit. It was nice to have him over for dinner and catch up on his life.

21. I am thankful for 2-year-old tantrums. Okay, that sounds weird, but it's true. Anything that Sadie does that is somewhat normal we rejoice over. She is starting to really "know" what she wants and get mad if things don't go her way. It's annoying, sure. But, the fact that she is even aware enough to have her own opinions is so amazing.

22. I am thankful that Thanksgiving is about family, not about Turkey. When I posted my Thanksgiving menu on Facebook, I had a bunch of comments about how people can't imagine Thanksgiving without turkey and how it was so horrible that we wouldn't be experiencing the best thing about Thanksgiving. What.ever. I guess people don't realize A. you can cook a turkey anytime of the year, and B. Thanksgiving isn't about having turkey, it's about having family and being thankful for those in your life.

23. I am so thankful that our family loves Sadie so much. Sadie can be really high maintenance (I know, shocking) and sometimes I just look forward to my family coming over and loving on her. Seriously, I don't even mind that they walk in the door and barely say hi to me, but go straight over to doting on my child, because she loves the attention...and that's attention that I don't have to be giving her. Some people are intimidated by Sadie's special needs, so they kind of shy away, but not my family! If they don't know, they ask. If I need help, they want to know how they can help. If she's not happy, they are determined to do whatever they need to to make her happy...even rock and rock and rock and rock. And rock.

24. On Thanksgiving I was thankful for all my friends on Facebook. Seriously, I learn more from Facebook than I'd ever be able to find on the internet myself or read in the newspaper or listen to on NPR. Not to mention all the things I learn that are NOT in the news... like who is pregnant and who already has 5 kids and what funny thing your kid said today or where you're traveling on vacation this year?! Facebook is so awesome! Oh, and I posted this video as an example of all the cool stuff I experience through Facebook.

25. Usually on the day after Thanksgiving I spend the day getting out the Christmas tree (since we live in AZ, our Christmas tree is in a box) and decorating the house. This year, I started packing. I got out all my classroom teacher stuff and started purging. I mean, it's been almost 2 years since I've been in a classroom, and as you can imagine, the things I use for my job now are way different than when I was in a classroom! So, a lot of it I don't need. But there were also a lot of memories in that stuff, and I started realizing how lucky I was to start out teaching where I did. I worked with some good teachers who really taught me a lot, and I am so thankful for that experience.

26. You may not know, but I'm desperate for friends. Probably 60% of the reason I wanted to get a job was to have friends (I'm lucky I really like the people I work with!). It's hard when you're a mommy who stays home all day, especially when you're a special needs mommy. But I made a new friend recently, her name is Kristi. She has a special needs kiddo (who's totally different than Sadie) who's about a month older than Sadie and she came over to visit and hang out today. We didn't do anything special or especially fun, but it was good to see her. I am so thankful for new friends.

27. I am thankful for sleeping in Sunday mornings and family walks together. Recently we put Sadie on a very rigid schedule. She has a wake up time and she has a lights out time, and that means someone has to always get up at 6:50 with her. On weekdays it's not a big deal because I get up early and do work while the house is still peaceful, but on the weekends, sometimes I just want to sleep in. Sundays are the day that Brian gets up with her, and even if I don't sleep, it just feels nice to lay in bed and not have to get up. Then usually around 9:00, after we've eaten breakfast, and before football starts, we go for a walk together as a family. I love winter weather so we can do this. It's just a good time together...and Sadie loves being outside!

28. Today we signed papers on our house, and I am so thankful that it's over. No more stressing out that something is going to go wrong and we're going to lose the deal. And we had a to drive kind of far to the Title Company's office. Sadie did awesome in the car. She did awesome at the office. She was so good on the way home that we were actually able to run an extra errand! It was a good day.

29. I am thankful that I feel well. The night before, I had a really bad headache. I took some Tylenol with Codeine and I think that is the only reason I didn't throw up. But for the ENTIRE day today I felt drowsy. I wasn't tired, but I couldn't keep my eyes open! Either way, I was just glad the headache was gone.

30. The last day of thankfulness I am thankful for God's mercies, and that they're new every morning. Some days don't feel like they'll ever end. Some days are so hard that I want to wake up as somebody else. It's on these days that I can go to sleep knowing that tomorrow is a new day and God's mercies will be there waiting for me...and no matter how hard tomorrow is, there will still be another day.

So there are my 30 days of Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoyed reading them. I hope you found yourself giving thanks throughout the month of November. And I hope that even though Thanksgiving/November is over, we can all still find ourselves giving thanks on a regular basis and remembering that we have a lot to be thankful for in our lives.

Thanksgiving Day 13

This morning I am thankful for the weather. As you can imagine, it doesn't rain very often here in Phoenix. But this morning I woke up to the sound of dripping and when I opened the blinds, it didn't really make it any lighter, and I smiled a big huge smile. I love this weather. It reminds me of home.

The University of Oregon didn't choose the ducks to be their mascot because it's a cute feathery animal...it's duck weather. And I am a duck at heart. I remember waiting for my ride before school in the morning sitting on the heater vent and eating my cereal. And sleeping with lots of heavy blankets on the bed. It's those mornings that you don't want to leave the comfy coziness of that bed. I love the cold weather. I love to wear sweaters and hats and coats. I love corduroy pants (for some reason I associate them with winter) and I love warm socks and shoes.

So why do I live in Arizona???

Because my husband doesn't love cold weather. All he did this morning was complain about how he didn't want to get out of bed, about how it was wet outside so we couldn't go for a walk (we did anyway), and about how much he missed summer. He's silly.

And I'd rather be hot and sweaty because it's 110 degrees outside than live with someone who just complains all the time.

Thanksgiving Day 12

Yesterday I totally missed a Thanksgiving opportunity. It was Veteran's Day and I should have been thankful for all those who have fought and are still fighting for our country. But I was blinded by my own selfish good fortune.

The truth is, I don't have a lot of confidence or belief in our government. I think they are corrupt and beyond repair and they only dig themselves deeper and deeper into the pile of poo they are already buried in each time we elect a new President.

But that doesn't mean the soldiers who are serving at home and in various countries around the world aren't good people. They are doing what they feel is right and they are often doing it at the expense of their family, who are at home without them, or forced to move every few months to a new place.

So, I am thankful for all those who are serving in the military. I am thankful for their sacrifice and their dedication. I am thankful for their strength and willingness to sacrifice. I am also thankful for the families of those in active duty. These wives are are raising children mostly by themselves, packing up their children every few months and moving somewhere else, or even wondering if their husband is every going to come home...alive.

Thank you for all you do.

Thanksgiving Day 11

This week we signed the short sale acceptance papers for the house we want to buy. And I am so thankful that it's finally happening, because it seems like there are so many things that can go wrong when buying a house...especially when it's a short sale.

When we saw this house, it wasn't even on the market. We pushed our way into this house, not once, but twice. The tenant was confused and a little creeped out, and when Brian went without me she reluctantly let him video with his phone, but she didn't want us to take pictures when we came back. I've been in this house once, Brian's been there twice. That's it.

The reason this house wasn't on the market was because someone else had made an offer. But it wasn't moving very quickly, and the selling agent didn't seem very competent, so we didn't have a lot of hope. And Brian convinced me to throw all our apples into this one basket, and that scared me because I didn't have a lot of hope. Nobody did.

But all of the sudden the other offer fell through, our offer was accepted and things moved along quickly.

Now we have a close date of Nov 23.

And I am so thankful that we have been blessed with this house. It's big enough to grow into. It doesn't need a ton of repairs. And it has no pool (which Brian is really excited about). I'm mostly excited that there are enough rooms for me to have my own office/craft room.

Let me repeat that; my OWN office/craft room!

We will get to walk through again with the inspector on Monday, and I will get to take pictures. We have started thinking about furniture and packing and hiring movers. Hopefully now we can get moved in and settled so that we can start the new year with a new life in our dream home.

Thanksgiving Day 10

I'm thankful for what Sadie has taught me about myself in the last 2 years...even before she was born. All my life I've wanted to be something I'm not...athletic, artistic, skinny, rich, organized, etc. and I've put various plans in place to become these things. But really, none of these things are me. Instead I'm high-strung, impetuous, physically weak, and messy. And I'm finally able to accept that.

I'm realizing that I have to be a mom now. And not just a mom, but a mom of a child with special needs. It's different than being a mom of a typical kid. Not better, not worse, just different.

Lately, I've been struggling with the fact that I don't get a day off. Ever. Sadie has to start her day at 7:00am, and there are no "weekends". Someone has to get her up and get her medicines and start her feeding schedule...and that's usually me. It doesn't matter if I'm cozy under my covers or need another hour of sleep. I don't get a day off. It's not about me anymore.

Someone has to take care of Sadie all day long too. She cannot feed herself. She cannot play by herself. I can't just turn on the TV and get an uninterrupted hour to do the dishes or fold the laundry. She doesn't nap (unless I'm holding her or laying down with her). And often she needs to be rocking in her chillout chair, which requires physical effort and attention. All of these things require me to split my attention from whatever else I'm doing. I don't get to just do whatever I want anymore.

I had been feeling sorry for myself. I started thinking this was too hard, that I was somehow cursed with this over-needy child. I felt like nobody else understood me or had ever gone through this, so nobody understands. Then I found a couple of different mommy-blog posts that just randomly showed up on facebook (God knows what we need to hear, right?) that were about the struggle that it is when you have kids and you go through this identity crisis as you transition from woman to mom.

WHAT??? This is normal???

Everybody goes through this identity crisis when they have kids, apparently. It's about leaving your old self (no matter how much you tried to improve that self all those years). It's about shedding that cocoon to become the beautiful butterfly that is called "mom." It's a time of rediscovery...and it can be painful. It's a struggle, but struggle makes you stronger, right?

All of these other things all of the sudden don't matter as much. I've left them behind with my chrysalis, and I've emerged even more beautiful than I was before. Still not athletic as I'd like to be, still not as artistic as I wish, still stressed out, still messy, but now I'm mom.

I'm Sadie's mom.

And that's who I want to be.

Thanksgiving Day 9

When we were in the NICU with Sadie, even though we had bigger things to worry about, how much all this was going to cost was constantly in the backs of our minds. I hated the idea of getting this huge bill from the hospital, but we didn't even get to keep our child! That just didn't seem fair. We were amazed when we got the bill and it was $150!! Insurance paid just about everything (and then the hospital adjusted accordingly)!

The next couple of months were like a lesson in insurance 101. Really, they should have someone come explain to you how all this works when you're in the hospital with your child. I mean, they have the chaplain come, the social worker come, the lady from hospice come...why not an insurance counselor? Anyway, I had to learn really quickly what an EOB (explanation of benefits) and what they mean (nothing). But I think the hardest thing for me was figuring out who was Sadie's primary insurance and who was secondary...apparently since Brian's birthday comes first in the year (even though I was born before him), he's primary. So confusing. Luckily, my mom worked in insurance for a lot of years, so she was a good resource!

But I got a lot of it figured out. I've learned what questions to ask, what to argue about, and what to just not pay.

Now Sadie has something called Long Term Care. This is basically a branch of our state assisted insurance program that covers everything our private insurance doesn't because they recognize that Sadie's condition is long term and that $30 copays add up over time and that she's going to need extra equipment! The greatest thing about Long Term Care though is that I no longer have to worry. I never get a bill, and if I do, I know I just need to make a phone call and I won't have to pay for it. Long Term Care pays for Sadie's feeding materials (ie. formula, tubes, buttons, syringes, bags for the pump, thickener, etc) and they send someone to our house with a delivery each month!! They paid for our chillout chair. And they provide the respite care we get.

Finally, Sadie was enrolled in something called Child Rehab Services (CRS). I really don't understand CRS. On one hand it seems like a net to catch families who don't know how to navigate the system or properly care for their child. But on the other hand it seems like another branch of state provided insurance/services that Sadie gets for free. We visited the wheelchair clinic through CRS, and even though the wheelchair (which is around $3000) has to be submitted to our private insurance for approval (and even then they'll only pay 80% probably), they didn't wait to order it because no matter what our private insurance will or will not pay, CRS will cover the rest. We WILL get a wheelchair and we WILL get it for free. So nice.

So, today I am thankful for insurance and that we have such amazing benefits both privately and through the state. I don't know what we'd do without it... anything relating to special needs always costs 3 times more than it needs to!!

Now if we could only find a way to speed up the process!!

Thanksgiving Day 8

I have the best job in the world. There are not many part time teaching jobs around. Usually they want you to be in the classroom all day, every day of the week. But I work at an online school, and we don't teach in a classroom. So, working part time just means I am given fewer classes/students as my responsibility.

Today I am thankful for my job. It allows me to stay home and be a mom, but I am still able to do what I love...teach. And working part time makes it even better because now I feel like I have time for Sadie's therapies and doctor appointments. My schedule is truly flexible.

I also work with a great group of people. Sometimes it's sad that we don't get to see each other everyday, but honestly, I think if we did we wouldn't get any work done!! Every other month, we get together for professional development. I look forward to these days (even though we sit in a meeting all day) because I get to be around adults, I get to laugh with my friends, and I get to see their smiling faces.

Many of the people I work with live on the other side of town, closer to where we are moving. I hope that after we move I'll be able to see them more. In fact, it might even be fun to all get together and work in the same room once in a while...but I'm not sure we'd actually get any work done.

Working in an online school is really a blessing and I am so lucky to have this job.