Monday, August 23, 2010

The thing is...

There's a blog I read frequently, mostly because it makes me laugh (sometimes until I cry, you can ask Brian, but I dare you to read THIS without belly laughing.), but also because this woman has a great sense of humor in the face of special needs. (this is her picture to the left) Her youngest boy has autism, her oldest twins spent some time in the NICU, and the kid in the middle has such severe digestion issues that she has to start school at home because she can't go to the bathroom. Yet, in the midst of it all, this woman can find humor.

The thing is, sometimes I read her posts and I totally get it. Especially this one.

Recently I've found myself doing this exact thing. I had a friend not too long ago mention that a group of us should get together on a regular basis, kids in tow. I felt so bad, but I was like, "the thing is..." then what sounds like excuses to not see my friends come spewing forth: Sadie screams in the car, we have to do medicine at 6:30, if her routine is messed up in the evening she won't go to sleep, etc etc etc... Believe me, I would rather hang out with friends than be stuck at home, chained to the bouncy chair all day and night. I would rather come play with your kids and cuddle your sweet babies than go to bed at 8:30 because my daughter can't sleep unless she's up against me. But the thing is, I can't. This is my life, and we reserve car trips for therapies and doctor's appointments because they are traumatic for everyone involved (side note: I've recently discovered the free valet parking at PCH, and it's so nice!!), so sorry if I sound like I don't want to hang out, it's not that at all.

Don't get me wrong, I love Sadie. I love that she knows me. I love that she smiles at me and "talks" to me. And I love when she falls asleep nursing in my arms (which is actually the ONLY way she'll fall asleep) because when I'm holding her I feel like we're NORMAL. But the fact is nobody is "normal". Go back and read the comments at the bottom of that post. Those moms get it too, because, like me, they've had to tell their friends/family/acquaintances, "the thing is..."


  1. Oh yeah, Cristy...I went over there and posted even. I sure wish I'd had the type of support back 30 years ago when I thought I was going stark raving mad myself. [Criss says, "HI!!"] And, truly, Criss was THE ONLY ONE that got it! I don't know why, but she was the only family member that loved me through all those years when I thought it was me, my parenting, my background, my this and my that!![my daughter wasn't dx'd until she was 16yo!!] I'm a perfect victim and that has NOT helped at all. Even now at 62 [well...almost], I'm constantly evaluating my parenting skills because my daughter, 30, lives with us and her husband. AND, after so many of those years of "we'd love to...but the thing is..." we've gotten use to our own company. We became better friends, my husband and I, through all this and it made us closer. There are many that can't say I'm grateful.

    AND DON'T GET ME WRONG EITHER, I love our daughter and her wonderful patient husband...she doesn't nurse anymore, but there are still times when she sucks the life right out of me because I've never quite got the fact that she and I [DH and her DH] are just doing the very best we can.

    So, Cristy, Brian and Sadie, I'd love to be able to get by and say 'HI' more often, but 'the thing is...' I'm now trying to figure out what the rest of this life holds.