Sunday, January 22, 2012

Daring to dream

Sometimes at night I sing to Sadie when she's going to sleep. When I was little I remember my mom singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to me. So, I've recalled the words easily and that's one of the regulars I sing to Sadie. But a few nights ago I couldn't make it through without crying. It's the line "and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

That line gives the impression that you have to be brave to dream. And I've never thought about dreams this way. I don't know, maybe I've just never had any dreams big enough that I had to be brave to dream them. But I understand what this means now, because I have dreams for Sadie that I'm a little afraid of thinking about, because I'm so worried I'll be disappointed.

But I'm gonna be brave, and I'm going to share with you my dreams for Sadie that I dare to dream.

I want Sadie to be potty trained. We have such an amazing PT who has never once considered that this isn't possible. She even suggested that if Sadie can learn to tell us WHEN she has to go, we can have a special toilet seat that will support her even if she can't independently get into the bathroom or sit on the toilet by herself. I don't like the idea of changing big-kid diapers, so I really hope we can achieve this.

I want Sadie to be able to stand and possible walk 10-25 feet by herself. Even if she could do this with assistance I'd be happy. Most people probably haven't thought about what a difference this could make. If Sadie isn't exclusively confined to a wheelchair we don't need a wheelchair van. If she can stand and walk a little, even with assistance, she can get into the car. When we travel, if Sadie can walk from the end of the jetway to her seat, that means a lot less work to get her on the plane. It means potty training. It means getting what she wants/needs around the house without me having to wait on her every moment.

I want Sadie to be able to eat and drink without having to rely on her tube. In fact, what I'd really like is for Sadie to be able to feed herself. But if she's eating, I'll take what I can get.

And finally, I'd really like Sadie to be able to talk. If that means with the assistance of a computer, that works. But, I am really sick of trying to guess what she is yelling/crying about. I want her to be able to tell me, "mom, I want to go play on the floor," or "mom, I need something to eat," or even "mom, I have to go to the bathroom."

Of course I have no idea if these things are possible. I guess only time will tell. But they are safely held in my heart. And each time I sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to Sadie, I will wish with all my heart that there really is a place where all the dreams that I dare to dream really do come true.


  1. Christie,
    I am always so amazed that you seems to think just like I do about Maya. I hate the fact that this journey makes me so fearful sometimes and when I think I am doing okay, something or nothing shifts me back to a bad place. But the love, hope and dreams keeps me going. As well as the prayers. God Bless our little ones.

  2. Christie,
    As I read about your dreams for Sadie, I am always filled with thoughts of my grandparents...being told that they should just put their daughter away and forget her. They dreamed of her...God sent her to them. They dreamed of what they hoped their daughter could achieve...and God gave them the strength (and patience) to help her achieve that and so much more. I have no doubt that your dreams (and Sadie's) will become reality.