I love you, Stinky Face

Dear Sadie,

Your great aunt Elisabeth bought you and Ezra a book for Christmas called I Love you, Stinky Face. It's about a little boy who asks his mom several different times if she would still love him if he were various "horrible" creatures. And she always does. I love this story because its such a great depiction of my love for you.

You are not a typical child, and some of the things I do for you, and will have to do for you in the future, are things that many others mothers don't have to do for their children. However, I don't love you any less for these things. Instead, I think they make our relationship special. I think they make me love you more, because you rely on me for so much.

In the book, the little boy asks his mother, "what if I was a dinosaur with sharp claws that shred my sheets at night when I sleep?" She tells him she'll mend his sheets everyday because, after all, it was an accident. This is how it is with us. So much of what you do that makes extra work for me is not on purpose. And even when I joke or complain about having to heave your wheelchair into the back of the van, even when I get frustrated because I have to wash your pee sheets everyday, even when you choke on your saliva and throw up your breakfast and I have to shower you off and wash everything, I still love you more than I could ever express with words. And I will never stop doing these things for you.

Another thing the boy asks his mom in the story is if she'd still love him even if he were a swamp monster who couldn't leave the swamp or he'll die. His mom tells him she'd just build a house at the swamp so she can be near him and take care of him. Sadie, you are probably not going to grow up and be independent and move out and go to college and get married and have your own children someday. But that's okay, because Daddy and I will always love you and take care of you wherever you are. And if we move to a smaller house once your siblings are grown up and gone, we'll make sure there's still room for you. And if we move to another country, we'll bring you with us. And if we're old and can't take care of you by ourselves anymore, we will make sure your siblings understand how special you are so that they can carry on our love in our absence.

Sadie, I know I tell you all the time, but I can't say it enough. I love you. I love your droolly face and your stinky butt. I love your little fists and your crazy hips. I love your smile and your beautiful hair. I love when you "talk" to me and when you try to give me kisses. You are my first-born, you made me a mom. Your light will shine in my heart forever and when you need me to shine it into the world for you, because they don't understand, I will...no matter how much extra work it is for me. Because, I love you, stinky face.

Love, Mama

PS. I loved when you helped me make Christmas cookies today!