Girl World vs. Mommy World

I looked and looked on you tube for this specific scene in Mean Girls (sorry if this goes over your head, I love that movie!) where Cady goes home to Regina's house for the first time and all the girls go up to Regina's bedroom.  The 3 mean girls (Karen, Regina, and Gretchen) are over in front of the mirror examining their bodies and their skin and their hair and complaining.  They're saying things like, "my shoulders are huge," and "I hate the shape of my eyebrows."  And Cady's inner monologue is talking about how she used to think that there was just ugly and pretty, but in girl world, it was much more complicated.  So, then after they spend all this time complaining about their looks, they turn to Cady, who is on the bed, and they wait for her to join in.  She has high self esteem and all she can think of is, "sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I have really bad breath."  And Karen goes, "ew."  hahaha!!

This is how I feel sometimes when I'm around other Mommies and they're complaining about their husbands.  I want to say that special needs mommies especially complain (more stress on their relationship?), but really, I don't hang out with too many other mommies, so I am guessing they all do a fair share of complaining.  They talk about how he doesn't understand that what she does all day IS work.  Or that he doesn't spend enough time with the kids.  Or he eats out almost everyday with his coworkers, but then complains when she wants to have a night out at a restaurant with a friend.  They are the girls all hovering around the mirror complaining about how horrible their skin is, how fat their arms are, and how boring their natural hair color is.

And I'm Cady, sitting on the bed.  And when they all turn to look at me to see what I'm going to contribute (because to be part of this mommy club, you have to complain about your husband, apparently), all I can come up with is something stupid like, "sometimes when he sweats his armpits smell like sour ranch dressing."

And in my head I can hear Karen from the movie go, "ew."

Honestly, I don't have any complaints.  I am married to a good husband.  And he's a good dad.  He understands that I need to get away and do stuff with my friends, or without Sadie, and he gladly lets me go (within reason, of course...and I don't abuse this).  He gets that I'm tired, even though I have been home all day...because I haven't just been sitting on the couch eating bon-bons and watching soap operas (are those even still on???).  He knows that he can change a diaper without help.  He isn't helpless to put Sadie to bed or give her a bath/shower or feed her.

And he does the laundry.

And the dishes.

So when I go out and these kind of husband-bashing conversations are going on, I just sit quietly and hope that they don't look at me to contribute, because I don't really have any complaints.  But seriously, sometimes those armpits do get a little nasty!!

Thanksgiving Day 5

If you're like most mommies, you do everything...even if you have another full/part time job and also contribute to the household income. And if you're lucky, like I am, you have an amazing husband who helps out a lot.

I don't think Brian was planning to do this much work when I got pregnant and we started planning to have a baby. I'm not sure I was either. But things don't always go the way you expected, and in the NICU, Brian really stepped up. I was a wreck that week; I was physically tired from having a baby, I was emotionally tired from being told my baby is going to die, I was tired of crying, I was tired of imagining my future, I was discouraged, I was disappointed, and I was scared. But when I couldn't be out with Sadie because my body hurt and I had to lie down, Brian was with her. And when I wanted to give up, he held me strong and suggested I try this or just go one more day of that. And it's because of him that I have been strong enough these last 2 years to deal with this kind of lifestyle.

For the first 8 months of Sadie's life, I don't think I put her down. I held her all day, she nursed in my arms to nap, she slept with me at night, we were connected, and if I put her down (or in the car seat) there was screaming. She wanted to be held all.the.time. But I desperately needed a break. And that's when Daddy stepped in. Brian recognized that I needed a break, so every Saturday he started kicking me out of the house. I would run errands, go grocery shopping, sometimes just sit on the floor in the library (where it's quiet) and look at books, it didn't matter, it was a break. (I think one time I sat in the parking lot at the post office and just talked on the phone!)

In those days I couldn't be gone long because Sadie was nursing, and she would never take a bottle, so I could only leave for a couple of hours. But these days, I have more freedom to be gone longer. And even though Sadie is probably more work these days when I'm gone, Brian can handle it.

Everyday I write out a feeding schedule for Sadie according to what we're doing that day. Then I add up all the ounces and make sure she's getting enough liquid. I'm pretty obsessive about it. Then we have our specific routines, like in the mornings I get her up at 7:00 whether she's awake or not. You might think I'm crazy, but when she gets up early, she goes to sleep early. And I really need her to be up and "eating" for 12 hours in order to get enough liquid in her to keep her hydrated! She gets medicine @ 7:00 and her tube feed @ 7:30, then she watches Sesame Street and when it's over she eats food by mouth. Feeding Sadie by mouth is not easy. She doesn't swallow really well, she spits a lot of it out, she gags, and sometimes she sneezes and food goes EVERYWHERE. It can be very frustrating and Brian doesn't like to do it. Plus she doesn't know how to tell you when she's full, so if you try to get more in there than she can take, she'll throw it all up.

But today, I wanted to sleep in. And Brian recognized that I needed to, so he got up at 7:00 on his Saturday (mind you, on week days, he goes to bed at 10:00 and gets up at 7:30, he really likes to sleep) and got Sadie started. He gave her her medicines, gave her her morning tube feed, got Sesame Street started, and even made me some tea. When I got up, there was no stress, because Brian had it handled and stepped right in! It was a great way to start the day!

I am so thankful for Brian because when I need to be in two places at once (ie. making dinner for us and feeding Sadie by mouth) Brian is willing and able to step in and help me out. He is selfless. He understands that I am only one person. And he gets how exhausting it can be to take care of Sadie all day (because he's done it!) I am thankful that he loves Sadie and me enough to try to feed her and bathe her and put her to bed. He wants to give me breaks, and he wants to help out with Sadie (even if he hates changing diapers) and he wants us to be a parenting team. I'm still Mommy, and I still do most of it...but it's so nice to have a Daddy that I can rely on if/when I need to.

Sadie's favorite Daddy

When I got pregnant and we started planning for a baby there was so much I thought I knew, but Brian was just clueless about all of it, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. And when I went into labor, he was the only man in the room, and the only one who had never been through labor, and he was wise enough to keep his mouth SHUT! He did a great job during our homebirth reminding me to breathe, encouraging me, and getting me everything I needed. But we had practiced that part of it!!

When Sadie was born, we were so unprepared for the turn of events, it could have easily cracked either of us, or our marriage. The reason it didn't is because my husband is so strong. He has turned into the best Daddy I could ever imagine, and the best Daddy for Sadie.

So, in honor of Father's Day, here are the top 10 reasons Brian is such a good Dad:

10. He goes to as many doctor's appointments as he can.

9. Even though it may be a little more work, he always encourages me to use cloth diapers and feed her homemade food because it's better for her.

8. He uses the word, "ouchies" even when it's NOT Sadie that hurts.

7. Sadie and Daddy walk to the mailbox everyday to get the mail.

6. He is the best at reading The Hungry Caterpillar.

5. He can't keep his hands or his lips off of her, because he just loves her so much.

4. When he gets her from the tub each night, before he puts a diaper on her, he makes sure he squeezes those little cheeks. (I hope this ritual ends before she's 11)

3. He helps put her to bed.

2. I can go out for the evening and he can remember to give her medicines, make sure her feeds start on time, and get her in bed asleep all by himself.

1. He gets up and goes to sleep with Sadie when she wakes up in the night.

I hope that your children also have awesome Daddy's and I encourage you to celebrate them today. Even if it's the little things that they do that you appreciate so much, let Dad know. Chances are, if he's like Brian, he doesn't do it because he has to, but because he LIKES to.

Happy Father's Day!

Drunk Texting

Brian's out of town this week (and next week, and possibly the week after) for his regional meeting for work. This means that they all get together from different states and drink and eat and drink some more...on Starbucks' dime. It's awesome, and I'm jealous. They used to do "teambuilding" activities also like go river rafting, or golfing, or to the spa for the day, but since the economy sucks now, they bond through Habitat for Humanity projects. Which is also awesome and I'm more jealous.

It's hard to have Brian gone for just ONE night, let alone 3, because Sadie is a LOT of work. Like today. She cried all day. From about 5:30 this morning until she finally crashed around 3:00 this afternoon. Cry cry cry. Ane me without a break, because I'm all alone with my own cute little screamtastic child, whom I love and I feel bad for because those teeth are really ouchie.

Anyway, since Brian and I can't live without each other, we end up texting pretty much all day and night when he's out of town. Good thing we have unlimited texting on our phones. But the best is when Brian's had a little to drink. He gets all mushy and sweet and I get texts like these: (edited of course for spelling errors and dumbness)

"You are such a good mom. I wish people understood the commitment you have to Sadie. I love you so much for that. I think as our relationship changes and mutates that's the most admirable aspect of everything. I don't care about a lot, but I care about your commitment to Sadie. I love you more because you take care of her. It is the best thing I've ever experienced and I'm so proud of you. I'm not even mildly interested in another woman. I know they cannot compare to your depth of love and compassion. I'm so happyto be with you."

"Sadie is deep s*#t. People have no idea. We do. I cherish that more than anything. If I believed in fate, I'd think we were set up for her. It just fits in."

"We're so unique to have her. Our experience is different than any other's. I love her more than I'm sure most fathers love their daughters."

Now, I think every father thinks he loves his daughter more than any other father, but it's still sweet that he thinks his daddy-love is strongest of all.

Aren't I married to a good man?

The sweetest thing I've ever witnessed

For any of you who know my husband personally, you know he's a likable guy. If you've ever let him play with your children, you know that they were probably asking when they could play with him again. Children LOVE Brian. But today I saw the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Brian took the day off and joined me at the Foundation for Blind Children Infant Program this morning. He met a lady I've only sort of met, but who I know of through Sadie's OT. Her daughter has microcephaly, and we learned this morning she had been born at 24 weeks! (miracle baby) While we were talking to her, Brian asked if he could hold Aliyah. Even special needs kids like Brian. Immediately her face lit up in a big grin. And while I was still talking to her mom, I kept one eye on Brian and Aliyah. He was telling her how pretty she is and how special she is and then HE. KISSED. HER!!!

My husband, who never even held a baby until we had one of our own, is the sweetest man alive!

This totally made my day.

Little Miss Skinny-Minnie

My mom loves having granddaughters. She is also a talented seamstress and she wants to make her granddaughters matching dresses for Christmas. So sweet. But she told me she wants to do a "trial run" to make sure her pattern she has measures out right. Since she'll be here in November to visit, she thought that'd be a good time to bring Sadie a dress. So, she asked me to send her Sadie's measurements. Her chest, her waist, and her length (head to toe). When I gave them to her we agreed my baby is long and skinny. I said to my mom, "you'll have to make it a little bigger cause she'll grow between now and then." She told me, "yeah, that's okay because I don't have a pattern that small!" So, how'd she end up so skinny? I wasn't a skinny baby...but I've provided you with some pictures of Brian as a little kid and maybe you'll see that Sadie TOTALLY has her daddy's genes.




PS. I left Mindy in this one because she's just SSSOOOO CUUUUTE!