This week I had a minor breakdown after our midwife appointment. I started doubting that having our baby in the hospital is a good idea. Mostly I'm just scared of the unknown. I know having a baby at home, and I know it's a wonderful experience. I don't know the rules and regulations at a hospital, I don't know the facilities, I don't know getting there when I'm in labor, I don't know having nurses all touching my child when it's born. And all this stuff freaks me out.
I was fine the next day, and I told Brian that it probably won't be the last time I have this kind of freakout. But I'm scared that I won't be able to labor the way my body needs to. I'm scared that we'll pick up some germ. I'm scared that the nurses won't respect our wishes regarding vaccines and antibiotics at birth. I'm scared they won't let us have the birth we want!!
And it's irrational fear because people have babies in hospitals everyday. Heck, every minute! I'm sure once we get to know the facility better and tour and talk to other people and get reassurances from the midwife, I'll feel better about it. There just seems to be so much more to think about when planning for a hospital birth when you already have a 2 year old special needs child!!
Anyway, lets get on with the bumpdate...
How far along? 15 weeks! I'm starting to want to eat produce again...and not sleep all day.
Weight Gain? I didn't weigh myself today. It's depressing. My cousin, who's 23 weeks pregnant has gained a total of 15 pounds. I'm fat and I'd rather not know just how fat I am!!
What's up with my Body? I'm itchy itchy itchy. My tummy is stretching and my skin is super itchy right above my hips and on my sides.
My boobs are still super sore! I can't remember from last time I was pregnant if this lasts the entire pregnancy or if this is going to fade out, but seriously...ouch!
I'm starting to crave good food again, although I still want a lot of salt, and potato chips are meeting my needs there. But this weekend we went to the local farmer's market and bought some good produce and then we came home and I ate a cream cheese, alfalfa sprout, cucumber sandwich with a side of cherry tomatoes and potato chips and a big glass of milk. I felt SO GOOD after eating that!!
My hair and skin still haven't keyed in on the good pregnancy hormones... still waiting for that to happen!
Food Cravings? I still want potato chips. And popsicles.
Movement? I've felt a little bit of movement, but not a lot, and I really have to be paying attention even to notice that little bit. I'm looking forward to feeling it more and more. Brian touches my tummy and presses on it almost everyday hoping to feel something, so I'll be glad when he finally can share in that with me.
Gender? I had a dream last night that we had a boy and that it happened so fast that I didn't even have time to look at the clock and see what time he was born. But we named him Scott Jack Smith (I guess our last name was Smith in my dream). I thought that was a weird thing to name our child since my best friend's first two sons are named Jack and Scott.
What I'm looking forward to: We have our ultrasound appointment to find out the sex on May 14 and, even though I debated even keeping it (because these ultrasounds cost $120 each!!), I am excited to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Then we can start really focusing on names, we can start buying stuff, and we can start really planning in our hearts for when we meet this little babe of ours!
What I'm not looking forward to: All this week the temperatures are supposed to be in the 90s, and by the weekend we should hit 100. I know summer is coming, but I'm not ready yet. I feel like, though, once we hit 100 there's no going back...I'm definitely going to take up the offers given by multiple neighbors to use their pools!!
Best moment of the week: I've had a really good week! We went to Costco as a family on Saturday and Sadie was pleasant. We walked to the farmer's market on Sunday as a family. And Sadie and I went swimming for physical therapy on Tuesday.
Worst moment of the week: Going maternity clothes hunting and ONLY finding shirts. I bought 4 Old Navy tank tops and found $.97 maternity tees at JoAnn Fabric (too bad they only came in like 3 colors...) so I bought 3 of those. But I can't seem to find ANYTHING to wear on bottom. I think I'll be headed to Goodwill to find pants that fit my legs, then I'll sew in my own preggo panel. That's what I did last time and it's not too hard.
How baby's growing: My baby is the size of an apple and can move all its joints and limbs. It can sense light. Its forming taste buds and sex organs this week too!